What are Constellations?

Constellations are a part of systemic work, which is based on the assumption that we are part of various systems and that we have our place within these systems. If we do not stand in our place within a system, we are not fully in our power, and behavioral patterns emerge that cause us to continuously encounter certain issues.

We are part of different systems, such as at work, in society, and in our system of origin. Our system of origin is the most important system and is the system of our bloodline, our family, and it is called the family system.

We often underestimate the incredible impact that the system of origin has on us, much more than we can imagine. There are many hidden dynamics and loyalties within it that manifest in our daily lives without us realizing it. It seems as if the same things keep happening to you over and over again. Or that something is slightly missing, preventing certain things from flowing smoothly. Even if you live well, meditate, engage in a lot of personal development, and dare to look at yourself, it sometimes doesn’t work to break certain patterns. In 90% of the cases, this is related to the system of origin.

Patterns in your system of origin are often passed down from generation to generation and determine much of what you encounter in your life. Until you become aware of and recognize these patterns, they remain in your system and continue to repeat. In your family system, you stand as a child with your parents and grandparents, with your siblings, or other family members. Sometimes, you might already be a parent or even a grandparent yourself. It is important to take your own place in your family system. Sometimes, this doesn’t happen because, for example, you start taking care of your parents as a child. This takes you out of your place. This may be okay for that moment, but if it lasts for a longer period, a behavioral pattern develops that doesn’t truly belong to you. This can have far-reaching consequences because you then exhibit this behavioral pattern in all other aspects of your life. Often, you lose something else in the process, such as strength or connection. Usually, there comes a moment in your later adult life when this no longer works for you.

Another example is that you can give well but have difficulty receiving. This almost always has to do with not standing in the right place. You probably stood in the place of your mother or father and took on responsibilities that weren’t yours. Many patterns, such as being insecure, pleasing others, giving yourself less time and attention, needing to prove yourself, being clingy, not being strong, or being overly insecure, almost all have to do with not taking the right place in your family system.

We are 50% our mother and 50% our father. They are an essential part of you. What you reject from them strengthens itself in you as a pattern. You do this out of unconscious loyalty to your parents because, at the deepest level of yourself, you cannot reject your parents since they are part of you. This way, you take on patterns that aren’t yours and that hinder you from being yourself.
Imagine you reject your father or feel rejected by him. In many cases, this results in a need to prove yourself that isn’t truly yours. This can lead to burnout or a directive leadership style that your employees criticize. In this way, you have unconsciously taken your father’s place.

When you become aware of this and take your place as a child in the family system, your father can also take his place again. This restores the natural order and lets you release what isn’t yours. From your own place, you can take your destiny back into your own hands, and your need to prove yourself can change into your natural assertiveness.
If you reject your mother, the patterns that developed in your relationship with her will also repeat. In this case, you are not free to be yourself either. You can only fully become yourself when you stand in your own place.
Thus, you sometimes suddenly realize that you are treating your children exactly as your father or mother did, which you wanted to avoid.

Book a Family Constellation Session?

The next session is on Wednessday, August 7th, 2024.

If you would like to participate in a family constellation session, click on “choose a date” and select one of the upcoming dates and locations. You can choose how you want to participate, either as a representative or by bringing your own question.

Session Details:

  • Time: 13:00 to 17:00
  • Rates: €249 for bringing a question and having your own constellation, €49 for being a representative.
  • Location: Anam Croi House, Westport, Ireland

Book your spot!

Do You Recognize Any of These Persistent Patterns in Yourself?

9 out of 10 times these originate from your family system.

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    Not able to set your boundaries: Do people easily overstep your boundaries?

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    Putting others first: Do you often put yourself in second place?

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    Pleasing: Are you try very hard to be liked by others? Or are you often the “good boy” or “sweet little girl”?

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    Not being seen and heard: Do you sometimes feel that people don’t hear or see you, or the real you?

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  • Do you work very hard and constantly try to prove yourself? Do you try very hard? Do things come about through willpower rather than from flow?

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    Taking on too much responsibility – Picking everything up people throw at you! Is it difficult for you to say NO when people ask you for things?

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    No balance in giving and receiving: Are you more of a giver and do you find it hard to receive?

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    Attracting bad luck: Do you often have bad luck and does it seem like you always attract misfortune?

The Power of Standing in Your Own Rightful Place

Take your own place. That is the only place where you stand in your full power. The beauty of standing in your own place and in your own power is that it manifests itself everywhere within you. You will see that as soon as you take your own place in your family system, you will also do so at work, in interactions with others, etc. It works on all levels and in all systems you are part of. This makes it incredibly powerful. Standing in your own place is necessary to utilize your full potential.

Asking the Right Question

What patterns do you recognize in yourself? Are you dependent on others, unable to be alone, and do you always ‘need’ to have a relationship? Do you have a lot of fear for your children, or do you always attract the wrong men or women? There can be many patterns that no longer serve you but which you find difficult to break. In a session, we start by properly formulating the question. What is happening in your life that no longer serves you? And what would you like to change? At the beginning of the session, we help you to formulate the question you bring very clearly so that the session gets the right direction. It is also good to think carefully about the question you want to ask beforehand.

What Exactly is a Family Constellation?

And What Can It Bring You?

In the video next to this text, I provide a deeper explanation of what family constellations are, how they work, and most importantly, what they can mean for you. The latter is the most important because it makes unconscious and unseen dynamics visible so that you finally know where they come from. Nine times out of ten, these issues are rooted in your family system.

 

 

Representative vs. Own Constellation (aks quastion)

You can participate in a constellation as a questioner, where you “set up” your problem, pattern, or question. Or you can participate as a representative. As a representative, you do not bring in a question, but you actively participate in the constellations. The beauty of being a representative is that, in some way, you are usually asked for roles that align with issues in your own life. In many cases, it is just as powerful as bringing in your own question. In the roles you represent, the corresponding energy of issues that also play a role in your life or family system comes into play. Participating as a representative also helps to clarify your own question if you are not entirely clear about it yet. It shows you the dynamics that may also be at play in your family system. It can also provide insight into whether you are in the right place in your family system. It is a powerful participation in constellations and often healing for you as a representative.

Book a Family Constellation Session?

The next session is on Wednessday, August 7th, 2024.

If you would like to participate in a family constellation session, click on “choose a date” and select one of the upcoming dates and locations. You can choose how you want to participate, either as a representative or by bringing your own question.

Session Details:

  • Time: 13:00 to 17:00
  • Rates: €249 for bringing a question and having your own constellation, €49 for being a representative.
  • Location: Anam Croi House, Westport, Ireland

Directly book my spot!

Take Responsibility for What Is Yours, and Let Go of What Belongs to Someone Else!

Everyone must bear their own fate and not that of others! You can help and be there for other people, but you cannot carry their fate for them. If you do, you step out of your place and weaken the system.

In my own experience, this once played a role concerning forgiveness. I was once hit by a drunk man, which caused me to lose my leg. I forgave the drunk man and realized that I am the only one who can forgive him for the loss of my leg. That was my pain. My parents also had a lot of pain, but they cannot forgive him for my loss. They can forgive him for the pain he caused them over the accident of their son. After all, that is their pain.

The same goes for carrying things for another person. Whether it is about sorrow, pain, illness, loss, or anything else. You can only carry the things that are yours. It is often painful to face and carry your own fate, but it also gives strength. Often more than we think.

Read more

Organizational Constellations for Teams and Organizations!

Many common problems within organizations, such as a culture of fear or resistance from teams or individuals, have deep-rooted causes. Various dynamics and patterns, often invisible patterns that we call the undercurrent, play an important role in the suboptimal functioning of the organization.

In companies and organizations, systems are present, and often organizations themselves are part of a national or political system. Each organization also carries its origin and inspiration from its founders. Everyone in each organization has their place, but often people easily step out of their place. We then see the same patterns recurring at all levels of the organization.

Organizational constellations help to provide insight into the dynamics and patterns at play in a team or organization and make it transparent where the flow is blocked. Through interventions and coaching, we can ensure that things start flowing again, everyone is back in their right place, and everyone pursues the same goal.

Do You Have a Problem in Your Organization That You Can’t Solve?

Book a Free Consultation

Is there a lot going on in your team or organization, and would you like to discuss what might be happening in your team or organization and how systemic coaching and an organizational constellation can help make the problem clear? Then book a free consultation with me.

Who Will Guides You?

Michel Alexiev

Michel Alexiev is a Transformation Coach, NLP Trainer, and Systemic Coach for individuals, teams, and organizations. At the age of 22, Michel was hit by a drunk driver, resulting in the loss of his leg and a near-death experience. This NDE was a profound spiritual journey that provided many insights. Michel has gone through many life lessons, such as acceptance, forgiveness, overcoming fear, daring to be vulnerable, and finding inner strength.

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